Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
