When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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