just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
