??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I need a beard to bite.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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