Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
