At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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