he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
