i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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