Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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