so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
