Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
