are you still at the devil's house?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
