she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
