My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
