So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
