if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
