we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize