brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
