that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
