You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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