I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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