i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
