1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Blood and glitter go together right?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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