just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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