I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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