Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
