eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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