today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
