my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All the doctor said was why
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
