I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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