I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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