guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
