why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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