I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
