I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
