I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
