...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
its liver damage thursday
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
