so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
