You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
