I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
