seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
