I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
