she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
