she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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