imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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