The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
