I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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