i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I bet he comes in French.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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