i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
babies were throwing up all over the place
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
