I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
do nipples grow back?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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