I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
