it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We are two peas in an std pod
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
