One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
