I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
