roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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